never play flip cup with pint glasses
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We are all done wearing pants today
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
