I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
