True but thats because hes a fetus.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
