I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
