and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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