It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
