I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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