you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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