I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
