I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
