My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
