hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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