So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
