508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
