did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
