Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
