I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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