she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
