If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize