did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize