By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
