guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
