Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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