he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
