Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
