My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
