So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
