I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
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