The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
