After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
