So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
