so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
