dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
