i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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