Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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