i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
