The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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