My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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