Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize