bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
