kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
