the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
