Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
