Jerry, you need to find god
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
His nipple licking is glorious
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