the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
