the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize