who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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