we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i will never coherently bang her
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
we're making bets on your personal life
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
