i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
