Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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