I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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