she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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