i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
