We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I know her cup size but not her name....
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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