who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
