i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
