I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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