I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
