Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
