It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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