Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
