is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
