he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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