moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
