My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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