do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
