I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
