you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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